Part 7: The Book of Knowledge

HELLO... My Apologies for not blogging for 6 long months... been busy... been broken... been hated by other bloggers who doesn't approve of my writing... but I finally found out that no matter what don't let others' words bring you down... no matter how hard you've been hit... always and forever always get back on your feet... NOW that I'm on my feet... It's time to continue with what I've started...

After the long yet knowledgeable talk with Miles... I've seen his other part where the wounds had cut him deeper than any sword could... the wounds of a broken love can really change someone say from a hero to a villain... it sad but true... and something like that can change someone from being straight to gay in no time... I sometimes wonder weather his will is not strong enough to take the cut from a woman's blade... but it's like he said... girls just don't want to understand their mate... it's what is called A WOMAN'S EGO... where the woman will be "seen" great when they don't spend time trying to understand others and just make quick assumptions... THAT IS STUPID...

"I understand now..."

"You do? Do you?"

"But don't boys do the same thing?"

"Hell no... you got the one wrong... big time... Okay here's one question: who is more romantic, a boy or a girl?"

"A boy I guess... but..."

"Okay good... now... how many female singers have your heard singing about a man they love?"

"Umm... none... I guess..."

"Have those questions proven something yet?"

"Let me think... I don't know..."

"Man... try to open up... it is true that the men are more romantic... all women do is get upset about important dates that, without even having a formal law, the men must remember. WHY can't it be like the girl remembers all the boy's important dates and events and the boy remembers the girl's? Why do boys need to remember and never forget... and girls had it easy when they forget???"

"You got me there..."

"I'm not finish... about the singers and the songs... not one female singer had sung a boy's name is a true sign that they really don't want to waste their time getting to know someone they love... let alone a friend... they didn't want to do that as that might make them look 'DESPERATE'... says who? They don't want to look desperate in front of other girls... that's what! Stupid girls... SO WHAT IS LOVE ACTUALLY TO THEM THEN??? "

"Uhh... a game?"

"IT'S JUST AN ACCESSORY TO THEM, JUST TO SHOW OFF THE OTHER GIRLS THAT THEY GOT A BOY WHO WANTS HER..."

"That's disturbingly true..."

"...And that's where the look on the outside comes in... THEY'LL WANT GOOD LOOKING GUYS TO FALL FOR THEM. They don't care if the guy is a monster on the inside just as long as he is gorgeous and that she can flaunt him in front of her friends and be proud...? I say, girls are to most stupid creatures I've ever known..."

"Now... they can't be that bad..."

"They can, Shah, they really can..."

And Miles just suddenly sat there quietly with eyes shut and head tilted down as if asleep... he was like that quite sometime... it's like he's trying to push back the hate that swelled up inside him after all the years of having bad experience with women...

I myself do not blame him as I myself had almost the same share of experience... Yet the only thing that I've found is that Miles must have really loved those girls so much but they didn't return his love with true love... sad I see.. no wonder he's changed...

"Sorry..."

He sat back up with eyes open once more and was himself again... calm and collected...

"...I didn't mean to sound like that... it's just..."

"Hey... it's okay... no need to apologize... it fine to talk your mind out once in a while..."

"Thank you... for understanding... you don't know how much that means to me... I..."

"Hey... I do Miles... I do..."

"If I ask you would you like to understand more, would you?"

"What do you have in mind?"

He got up from his seat and went over to a shelf at the other end of the library... from here I can see him scanning a book with his index finger... from the top right to the left... and then the next row... still he hasn't found it... the middle row now... he stopped somewhere on the way to the left... he pulled it out... it's quite thick... and walked back to the table... where I was waiting...

"This is a book by some professor who researched on homosexuality..."

"They have a book like this here? That is amazing..."

"Surprisingly yes, I found it a couple of weeks back... anyway try reading it... maybe you'll understand better and able to accept fully of who I am... I was even surprised to read how much of it about homosexuals are true... and for me being gay to be so surprised about a book about being gay... now that is a must read..."

"Okay... I'll try..."

"Good... read it until its finished... and you can give it back to the librarian after that... listen what he has to say..."

"What?"

"He's a friend and I trust him..."

So I took the book and we left together back to our own classes...

TAGGED by MUHSIN NAKAMURA...

And yet again...this tagging thing should be brought under a judiciary act... anyway... this time it's an interesting one... WHO IS MY CHARACTER IN THE 'HEROES' SERIES?

Well I don't know about me... but I do know of others... hehe... a some are DISTURBINGLY the same with my NOVEL in PROGRESS...

1. FAIRUZ is MICHA (the little BRAT that can talk to TECHNOLOGY and doesn't know how to
handle girls)
2. IDORA is BOB (because of the SAME WAIST SIZE)...besides the fat man can also turn things to gold.
3. KID is PETER PETRELLI (ANNOYING and ALWAYS thinks he is the one who will save the world.
4. ILLA is THE GIRL WHO CHATTED WITH THE NUCLEAR GUY (THE MOBILE INTERNET)
5. WAN FINAZ is MR. LINNERMAN (healing abilities and RARELY IN ACTION)
6. AMIRAH is THE GUY WHO SYLAR FIRST KILLED (telekinetic)
7. MUHSIN is of course HIRO NAKAMURA (TIME BENDER)

Me? I don't have anyone matching my novel ( thank goodness) but I do like Ben the cop that can read thoughts... just like me in the real world... hehehe...

Hmmm... I'm done here... time for revenge...hehe
to : 1. Fairuz the Viruz.
2. Muz the Muztamind.
3. Shaz, Kid's Big Bro.
4. Basket (you know who you are)

*TAG YOU'RE IT!!! HAR! HAR! HAR!

TAGGED BY BAAL...

Man... how I loathe being tagged...thanks BAAL... hehe
What I'd do if were to fail in an exam?
Easy...
1. RECHECK my results online again... who knows maybe I've typed in my student ID by mistake...
2. Ask my other friends to RECHECK my results... who knows maybe I was drunk at that time and was hallucinating...
3. If it's still the same... I'll ask the faculty's office to RECHECK it for me too... who knows maybe my friends were drunk too at that time...
4. If the results PERSIST... then I'll have to go and see the lecturer and ask them to RECHECK... who knows maybe at the time they were keying in the results they were drunk too...
5. If nothing changes... then what the heck... I'll ask my friends, the faculty's staff, and lecturers to join me for a drink somewhere in KL and get drunk together! It's a drunken world out there!!!

Part 6: Being ready is to be prepared...

Hi... hope those who are reading to this can take in the long long and long entry... Heck its what I do for a living and uh... studying...
Anyway... there is still a long way to tell my story...
Though to tell you the truth...I did not type everything into this blog here... only the ones that really needed to be told...

It was a Wednesday and Miles and I got closer by the day... The more we hang out together... the more I understand him... Actually he is no different to any of us here... He is still human... yet the only thing that is messed up is his fondness for boys... I don't know why... and Sometimes I did not want to now why... But curiosity always is my best friend and worst foe...

We were walking a long the corridor of Block 'C', Miles was trying to get back to his class and I tried to go back to mine... when all of a sudden... "Hey Miles, why do you choose boys over girls? Haven't you gone out with a girl before? Your looks and charm can really reel in more than a dozen girls, you know that..."

He just kept on walking slowly this time and stopped between the walk way from Block 'C' to Block 'B'. He answered me smilingly and without guilt. "Yes, I know that... and believe it or not I've been there and done that... and I know between girls and boys there is a very large gap in the middle..."

He stopped his speech in mid way and walked down the stairs to his class in Block 'A'. I was so...you know how it feels when some one just let things left unfinished... So I ran after him and ask what gives? And he said nothing and kept on going...what was up with his sudden mood swing??? And I had to pull him in the arm to make him stop and face me...

He did...finally..."I'm...I'm... Sorry... It's just somethings I still can't forget and when it does pass through my mind, it hurts like hell...sorry..."

"Hey, it's OK...thought I said something wrong just now..."

"Well, you actually did...in fact...But I'm not mad at you...just mad at me about the past..."

"Well, that's where I come in...tell me then...what is the thing that you can't forget?"

"Hmmm, it's a long story... and recess is over...we got class..."

"Never mind that...let's just cut class..."

"What?"

"You know... skip class... we go somewhere else..."

"Hmmm, interesting... okay I'm with you... where to?"

"The library..."

"Wow...that sound so adventurous...well I'm still with you...besides its a boring class right now..."

So we went back the same way to Block 'C' where the school library was...its a very nice place to hide actually...the teachers would never find you here...because it's the last place they will think of...

So we sat at the farthest part of the library at the back near the corner where they pile up the books that need to be 'replaced'

"Okay here we are...shoot..."

"Wow, this is a nice place... okay...where was I? Oh yeah, why I turned sour. Well, I did say that I agree with you that I could reel in more than a dozen girls if I wanted to..."

"I did...before I became like this..." And he was quiet again. It seems that he has some internal battle going on... so I decided to take the steer...

"Wait, you were not like this before? Sorry if its digging into personal stuff but I wanna know more...you were straight??"

"As a matter of fact yes... and no..." and he half smiled to himself and to me.

"Then you're a bisexual?"

"Hell no! Bisexuals are to most unfaithful."

"Then?"

"I was born homo but I did not realized it and would have remained straight only if... well where should I begin? Hmmm Maybe I should answer the first question you asked...is that okay?"

"Fine with me. Just as long as you'd talk..."

"Why I choose boys over girls? the answer's simple... it's the understanding part..."

"What? You don't understand girls?"

"No...they don't understand me... no...they don't WANT TO understand me... yeah, that's it..."

"Hmmm...maybe you don't give them a chance?"

"I gave them all the chance they want... the problem is they are just too shallow minded."

"What happened actually?"

"Well, if you must know, it doesn't matter where you are they are all the same... be it here or overseas..."

"You've been over seas?"

"Uh uh...I didn't told you that?"

"No."

"Sorry, I usually don't like to tell where I've been... it's like showing off... Don't like it... So yeah, I've been to the West... France and UK actually... not by my own free will if that is what you want to know... My parents are teachers... my mom, who is very ambitious decided to further her studies abroad... my dad agreed but he did want to join in the 'fun'... so he accompanies my mom there and brought the whole family along!"

"Wow...interesting..."

"Yeah, but the one thing more interesting is that I don't know one word of English back then...I'm from Kelantan if you want to really know...just a simple boy in the suburbs..."

"Now, that takes the cake... continue please..."

"Okay, now where was I? Oh about girls... once a girl sees a cute face or even a good looking one... they'll just fall for you no questions asked... and they'll start ASSUMING who the hunk is without even asking up front... like I said... they're shallow... They only look on the outside... to make things worst... when they start to know the guy they adore doesn't fit with their fantasy guy... they'll start to want the guy to change according to their liking...ironic isn't it?"

"Yeah, you got that point right... it is ironic when actually you are in love with your own fantasy not with the person you are in a relationship with..."


"So I did had a girl before... two actually... at different times that is... the first was before I went to France...and the other was when I am in France... yet they are just the same..."

"Okay... what is the same?"

"Like just what I've said... They are OK actually but when they start to get to really know you...they'll start to suggest you to change to their liking... I mean why do you have to do that???"

"Maybe they have a good reason..."

"You bet they do... but I don't think so... because I've already asked why... and you know what they answered?"

"What?"

"They answered: 'It's because I want you to...' and 'I like it better when you do or don't...'. Don't believe me? Try it with your girlfriend then..."

"I don't have a girlfriend..."

"You don't? Interesting... why not? Even with your looks I don't even stand a chance... you'll sweep all the girls from all the boys in school. Don't mistaken that line... it's just a compliment."

"Thanks, nice compliment, well if you wanna know... before you moved here, I did had a few relationships... four actually... none seem to stay true..."

"Oh, is it something like I said just now?"

"No, it's different... these girls... man... they are not only shallow. They're selfish as well."

"Hmmm?"

"Well, the first just wanted sex... but we were like in form 1 but my friends all knew about her... some had a taste of her too... she wanted me so she can have sex with me and then she'll look for another one..."

"Did you accept that invitation?"

"No. After all the boys she slept with... I broke up with her after she asked me to 'play' with her..."

"So brave..."

"Really? She said I was a coward... I chickened out..."

"What about the others? You said you coupled 4 times..."

"The second just wanted my money, the third wants to get my fame... which she did and then she left me for the guy she actually liked and the fourth is a control freak. She would even control my breathing, when and how, if she only could..."


"Hehe...the fourth is just like mine... as well as the others... you see, they are all the same..."

"Certainly nothing is the same forever, right?"

"Maybe. But to find something that is different in a girl is like to find a difference between each fishes in a school... they are even known to Allah to have ONE MIND and NINE DESIRES..."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But you do have a point with the increasing number of females their quality declines... thats the equation of quantity and quality..."

"Well at least some of us here knows their math... so it's like that... A girl does those thing but a boy doesn't... from what I've experienced... Allah said the men have one desire and nine minds... so when a man is in love he is really in love..."

And so Miles and I did talk about a lot of things in that library and to write it all down could take sometime for to do as I can't really remember fully what we talk about. But what I really remember about was what happened after the talk... so tune in to Part 7: Book of Knowledge...

Words of the Silent...

Hello everyone don't forget to view my other blog...

Words of the Silent...

Thanks...

TAG! I'm it...

Hmmm...
I have Amer Zaman to thank for this thing...
But hey the question is pure as any strawberry you can pick...

Irony isn't...how does this 'boy' know that I'm heart broken...
Okay never mind that... here's what I'd do when I'm heartbroken...

1. I agree with Amer Zaman... I'd cry too...but not out loud...thats the reason of me sleeping
early these days and waking up earlier...

2. TRY TO FORGET...(but you never do)... by going online making new friends in YM or
myspace or other places...

3. CHEER YOURSELF UP...(this takes time)...do what you love most in the hopes of getting
some life back into you... I go and write poems...but then I start to write about my loved ones
(you can read it in my potry section) and tears began to fall...its not a pretty sight...then
there's DOTA...but it's just a short relief...

4. LET THE MUSIC HEAL YOUR SOUL... yes... it helps... just don't listen to the 'our song' songs
if not it will get worst... something insrtumental... one of the reasons why Vanessa Mae comes
into existance... its been a long time I haven't listened to her which means it's a long time my
heart hasn't been broken!

5. LIKE A CHIMNEY...yeah...I'd smoke my life out if it could help me feel better...infact...it made
me feel worst... but it did fog up my mind and blurred my visions to what I was crying about...

There HAPPY? Now you know...its fortunate that I'm new around here...if not I'd tag the whole world... salutations to you AMER ZAMAN... (go and visit that bugger's spot now)

Part 5: If HATE is a strong word then AGAIN...

Hi once again...

Thanks for being true to me...

Info: Parts 1 to 4 was from another blog that I used to uhh... blog... so when my friend got me interested in this here place, so I said what the heck... why not? So I copied what I typed and pasted it here... quick work... so here comes the live one to continue what was left behind...

The post before showed how strong the word HATE can be... but something else was stronger than HATE itself... in fact it was powerful... and it didn't have to be said out loud... hmmm... look at the time... 7:00 am... gotta go now... sorry guyz... but here the server shuts down around this time so I don't wanna be disappointed by the shut down... be back later... cheers...

Okay...where were we...
Oh yeah...

It was a weekend...after Friday Prayers...it was in the evening...back then my home at a spot on a hill had the most wonderful view of the mountains, the forest, the sea, the other islands in this paradise can be seen at once...man I miss that place...the wind was nice...I love the wind... so there I was minding my own business tryin to write up a poem as usual... on a hill at the top of the stair case...where the community hall stood...in the centre of the housing establishment...(man what a mouthful)

A little girl with her mom was going to the shop somewhere down hill...I can just see them nice from this spot...they went in a while and thought that it was uneventful. But a minute after that the girl was running out of the shop crying...and I thought...what the heck happened??? So the scene got me interested and I decided to observe from a far...not long after that the mother came after her...a bit concern and stern about her daughter...but the girl kept on running screaming at the top of her lungs... "I hate you mom! I hate you! You don't love me... I hate you!! (Adik benci mak...Adik benci...Mak tak pernah sayang kat Adik...) I was guessing what happened in the shop to have her daughter to say such harsh words like that... But every thing that happened have to have its reasons and I kept on watching...

The girl, with tears in her eyes, could see where she was running and ended up running in the middle of the road... Since it was a hilly housing some blocks up hill and some down hill...houses on top have to take care of their cars' breaks in order not to speed off down hill... and cars at the foot have to rev it up to get past the gravitational pull... and to make that day more interesting a car was coincidentally speeding uphill... I saw it... the kid still running away from her mom... the mom trying to console her girl (though half heartedly) and the car speeding up hill and gaining speed...

What am I to do??? Its no picnic to watch the birds now...NO! All I can think of is what Miles had said to me... one must do things straight from the heart...not the head... in this case...nnot all four heads...(hehehe)...so it is better to listen with you heart not your heads...as the action done or the word said is ultimately pure...

And suddenly my heart told me to take action if not something not worth remembering could occur... I thought of waving frantically to the driver but he might misunderstood it as a hoax. If I were to run down the stairs then it might be to late because I've got 20-30 steps to cover before I reach the kid... So the situation needs something fast...something that will alert someone down there to either stop the car or pull the child away...then it came to me the closest to the kid is her mom...but how do I get to her in time before it's too late? That's it! Tell her... with the utmost of urgency I filled my lungs full with air and within my heart saying god please don't let anything bad happen today... and I let out a furious blast of fantastic vocal: "MA'AM! THERE'S A CAR SPEEDING UP THE HILL...YOUR DAUGHTER'S IN DANGER!!!"

That was it... man you should have seen the response in her mom... she didn't reacted she acted and picked up speed just in time to catch up to her child grab her and fall to the side safely as the car rushed past and the car stopped with a resounding screech and the driver came out apologizing saying he did see as the girl was at a bend in the road and that bend had some huge plants growing there... courtesy of my mom...sad to say...

So everything went well after that...they said sorry and thanks...even to me...and although the girl was crying still but she was not crying because of HATE but LOVE...and I learned something that day...

HATE maybe a strong WORD to say then again LOVE is a powerful ACTION to execute...

I told Miles about that incident at school after the weekend and he congratulated me for my brave heart...

Cheers to you Miles...

Part 4: The PLU Continues...Hate is a very strong word...

Hi again...and many appologies for the long break period...got a writers block (hahaha)..nah actually I'm really busy these days and the fact that a couple of weeks back I WAS blogging and a nice one too...then all of a sudden...a BLACK OUT...just before I was able to post it...ARGGHHHH!

Anyway, that didn't made me quit entirely...especially when I got my very first comment from Nancy. Thanks a bunch Nancy...I'll try to do my best...Here's what happens next on my story...

Another week past and another one came...thought it'd be the same...But...This week we finished up our meal early and didn't spend the time chatting away. Miles wanted to go back up to the school grounds. Why? Who knows and asking him that kind of question would always bear no answers...He's so secretive most of the times...Guess that's what being gay is all about...

We were crossing the field. Patches of grass were dead and dried up from the hot island sun. A sprinkler was busy shooting away within its radius. And a nice warm breeze swirling around the both of us...

"Can I ask you something, Shah?"

Miles broke the harmony sounds made by the sprinkler and nature's breeze...

"Yeah. Sure. Why not?"

He turned to face me as we continued to walk side by side together.(He always looked people in the eye when in a conversation).

"What do you think of me now, Shah?"

Sounding serious I answered in that manner.

"You're okay..."

Unsatisfied at my answer he asked another.

"What about the time when you first knew I was gay? You said you hate people like me...Well, do you still have that same stand?"

I stopped walking... I'd have forgotten all about what I said that day... I didn't expected that he still remembers it... I admit I was both surprise and guilty at the thought that he still remembers what I said and what I said that day was something I am not proud of even up to this day... I faced him looking at the expression on his face. Clean and smooth and doesn't reflect his actual age...yet his eyes...his eyes has seen more than any other of my school mates in this school combined...He has seen REAL life and experienced it first hand...Like me I'm being shadowed by my parents...and a lot of things I haven't known and experienced...But he has been through that maybe even more than once...

I smiled at him held the back of his neck with one hand and brought him closer to me and I whispered to him.

"I don't hate you, Miles. I never did actually hate you. What I said at that time was all show but doesn't really mean a thing...But if it did hurt you in anyway...I'm sorry that it did..."

And I walked on but he still stood there. Knowing that, I stopped and looked back.

"What's up?"

His looks was neutral...I don't know what was he thinking at that time.

"So... what do you think of me now?"

I guess that my answer just now was unsatisfactory.

"I accept the fact that you are gay and that since it has been this long I am with you means I am comfortable with you."

"Am I still your problem student?"

Well, those words just take the cake. He and I knows why I'm with him. The task I was sent out to do, counsel him and have him repent and renounce his ways.

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Why are you not telling the truth?"

"I am!"

"But you are holding something back. Why? Is it that you accept me but you still don't trust me? Was all this not for friendship but for your responsibilities as a student councellor? You're with me because you were ordered to or because you wanted to???"

I still don't understand homosexuals...they are so unpredictable...their feelings are too complex. So ever changing. So insecure. Maybe it's because of his past.... Maybe...

"Look...I don't know how to put this...but I'm not gay. I don't express my feelings so freely...I..."

"Why not?? We are not psychics who can read what everyone thinks... You and I are still humans only I love the same sex and you...you are still in the dark... at least I am sure of my self and accepted it... while you are still afraid of your own shadow! Do you know what made the world war?! It's the straights, the heterosexuals, the so called 'normal' people. Who decided to shut up and not talk of what and how they 'feel' and instead they show what they 'think' with tanks, guns and bombs!"

"But what does that have to do with anything?"

"You are mad at me because I didn't answered to you what you wanted to hear? Haven't you heard about the freedom of speech? I'll tell you what I want to tell you...you can't force me!"

"But the freedom of speech is to enable you to express whatever you feel not keep them bottled up...you did it well enough the day we first met. When you said that you HATE me. Why not express your true feelings now?"

"You want to know why?"

"Yeah I want to know."

"It's because I'm afraid I'd hurt your feelings again. I didn't understand you at first that's true...but as time passes by I see somethings a gay has that straights don't and I wanted to learn more...It's true I can accept you but for other gays... I don't know... I admit I don't have much close friends in school as I've just moved to this island like you too...but you are the closest that I can have to that... And about trust, I want to trust you but I'm still not ready yet...we only knew each other for a month and a half... And about my responsibilities...they have nothing to do with me having breaks with you...I want to be your friend. I really want to and its not just for show...There... are you happy? Is that what you want to hear?"

I didn't realize tears was rolling down my face as I express my actual feelings. That was my first time doing it and the experience was hard to explain. It felt kinda good letting some one know what you feel rather than what you think... Miles just stood there for a while staring at me... a small smile can be seen on his face...

"There now...you don't have to over express yourself like that...but I guess that was the first time you voiced out your feelings..."

He reached out his hand and wiped out my tears with his fingers. His touch was filled with such comfort I still don't understand...but I hope I will in the time to come...then more tears fell...and I started to cry... He stopped the wiping and embraced my in his arms. Holding me tightly. His hold was warm. I can feel his heart beat against mine and his breath as he whispered in my ear.

"There now...It's okay... Let it out now... Just let it out... I know the feeling of not being able to show your true feelings... Just cry it out now... and know that you have learned a very valueable lesson today..."

"I don't hate you, Miles. I don't hate you..."

"There...there...It's okay...It's okay...I don't hate you too..."

I don't know how long I was crying and I don't know how long I was crying on his shoulders... but it was a feeling I've never felt before. When I start to feel myself again I had missed a class...Maybe I had missed some important lessons for the coming test but the lesson that I learned just now was worth more... I know it because I don't know where I'd be if I didn't learn this important life lesson...

Remembering this can still bring tears...So I'll stop here for tonight and try to stop the tears from falling...Hope you guys like this...last but not least, I'd love to hear your comment...

And it goes again in part 3

Hello you guys...

Quite a long time I didn't continue this thing here...

Anyway...let's get back to where we left off...

I made a friend who is gay and in need of some counselling from me...and the story goes...

Right after that we began to meet up every week at the exact place we met the first time...(its at the back gate of my school if you guys have already forgotten)

We would talk alot...Me giving him advices and him giving it back to me...Besides he was a school debater at that time and so was I...It was good practice though...

I still remember the topics we would "debate" about, I'd like to write all of it in here but it could take a life time to finish what I'm trying to deliver...so here are some of the most important and memorable topics...

"What do you know about LOVE, Shah?"He asked me.We were sitting side by side at that time looking at the field getting dried up by the hot sun... "Love...Love is having a special feeling towards someone because...we...love that person..."I answered rather unprofessionally...Made him sigh with hopelessness..."Really?Well, your future lover would be very dissappointed to hear that kind of reason..." "Oh??? You have a better one? Mr.Romantic?"I replied sarcasticaly...But he does know how to be one in truth...but that is another story...

"As always, my dear...Love is something alive that comes in all kinds and types...Its not JUST love...Have you ever notice how different a love for a friend and a love for a boyfriend...or a girlfriend?Or the love for your family, brothers and sisters even parents?There is also love for knowledge which all we students were supposed to have...They are different"I nodded and he continued "So love is also something alive...we can't see it but it's there...just like air...And like air we can't live without love...that's the truth about humans...but not all realize it..." Still listenning as it still sounds true... "But what about true love now? Do you believe in that?" I wasn't able to answer that at that time because I have never ever thought about it until now...

"Hmm...just as expected...you've never thought about it until now..." Damded gay boy read my mind."Its typical for straight guys to do as such...that why alot of family here...especially here...MALAYSIA...alot of straight people did not give a second thought to LOVE but give alot to SEX...thats not the way to find happiness...or to fullfil your lives...If ever you like someone because of your desires...You'll find more sorrow in the end than happiness...and when one has felt sorrow...two things can happen...He'll learn from it and not to ever go down that same path again...The second, he'll be a slave to sorrow and spreads them around by becoming a 'vampire', a being that didn't understand what love is and still tries to find it with desires on his mind...in the end...that person will be the lonliest soul...never finding happiness...never ever will feel love...poor thing..." I just sat there and stared at him...know that he is feeling some pain now...but I did not know what...He looked at me... "Love is loving someone and getting that love appreciated and getting the same kind of love in return...Love is a two way street...with drivers that follow the law of the traffic...while waving and smiling good day to other drivers on the road he is driving and the opposite..which means you can love one person specially but still can give your love to others...like I say...love has many kinds and types...give all love to others and save the true one for the one you really think is fit to have" Then the school bell rang signalling the end of reccess hour..."Remember that Shah...NEVER forget that...Forget it and you will be miserable till your life ends..." Then we parted ways and agreed to meet again next week...same time...same place...same topic...

Then comes next week...

Sitting face to face crossed legged because we are having a meal together on the ground under a tree...quite a picnic...hehehe...

As I eat, a question appeared out of nowhere..."Umm...If you have found true love...how can we keep it being true?"

Raising an eyebrow, Miles swallowed his bite of sandwhich and began his speech:"Easy...Trust and Loyalty..."Then he continued on with his lunch...I was amazed...really was...His speech was a short one this time...I stared at him..."Don't you know that it's rude to stare...especially when someones having his meal???"

"Sorry...but...Is that all? Trust and Loyaty? No elaborations on that?" Rolling his eyes..."Alrite...I thought you were mature enough to think on that...OK...Trust...you know...something like trusting the post office will send you mail to a friend...trusting the bank to take care of your money...Get the picture?OK? Good...now its just like that with someone you love...You have a life and he has a life...and the fact is no one's life is exactly the same...he has obligations to do...and you also...he has friends...and also you...now he knows you love him...and he love you back...thats the greatest key...THE LOVE...because of it...you TRUST him dearly that he will live his life 'clean' without playing 'dirty' with you...And when one trusts another automatically the other trusts him in return...its because of the LOVE..." Still thinking...I nodded "Now when TRUST has exist in them it is still not enough...because TRUST can still be corrupted by either one of them by one of them 'playing the trustworthy one' while 'fooling around' with others as well...To save TRUST from corrupting and destroying LOVE...LOYALTY comes in...This is the difficult part...LOYALTY means to remain FAITHFUL...Like PEASANTS are LOYAL to their KING and THEIR KING REMAIN TRUE TO HIS SUBJECTS...where both must TRUST each other to rule and protect their KINGDOM named LOVE...but to do that is a great feat to perform...even KINGS have traitors...and SUBJECTS having RUTHLESS KINGS...Loyalty is something that must be practiced alot...even the most happiest couples can still break up because of poor loyalty..."Then the bell rang again...He told me as usual...and we went back to class...

Till another time...The story will get more knowlegeable and interesting...

And the story goes...

The PLU Continues...(part 2)

Hello again...

A week or more ago I started to tell a story about...well...you can see for yourself (the blog before this)...And here I am again to try to finish what I have begun...I still haven't got any comments and I don't know if any of my readers (If I have any) are liking what I write...Since I didn't get any comments...I guess I am doing ok...

So let me continue where we got off...I was sent by Al, my discipline teacher, to counsel a Form 1 student named Miles for being a Homo... So there I was during school recess looking for him...He wasn't at the canteen having lunch...searched places where students normally go for breaks...The Toilet...The Library...The Classrooms...none...he wasn't anywhere...Where the hell can this gay boy be???He must be up to something now...maybe having fun with another school boy...I'll make sure he gets expelled!

Yeah...evil weren't I in the past? Really quick to judge someone without even any proper evidence or proof... But at last...I knew which class he is in...It was a class for the overly smart students..."1 Perdana"...Class was empty except for a group of three school girls gossipping away... I stepped into the class and went to them and asked if they know where Miles went for his recess... Before one of them answered they all gave each other a look which even until now I don't understand... Maybe these girls know who Miles really is and what I'm about to encounter or maybe they are just idiotic girls hunger for more gossips to juice up their boring book worm lfe... I don't care... I'm just interested in finding Miles...

So...the most mouthy of the group I guess to be their "leader" spoke... "You mean Miles the Strange???He is very hard to find during this time... Nobody knows where he went. Always alone has no friends actually...Infact...he likes to be by himself...He has lots of secrets...yes indeed! He even..." She shut up when I gave her a very serious look... "Ummm...he must be at the back entrance of the school at the shade near the gate..."

I left immediately...maybe I can't stand with these females' annoyance or maybe can't wait to catch Miles red handed again...I don't know... I just left...Leaving the classroom with the three girls behind giggling loudly about something which I don't have the time to care...

As I reached there I was dissappointed that he was really alone...(so nasty of me right?) He has his back to me because he was looking out to the football field (not waiting for me to you know what! Don't get your imaginations all ridiculous!) I walked up to him... "What do you want from me?" He said without looking back... "I can't do anything for someone who hates me..." He knows that I'm coming? And he continues some more "...so why don't you just go back to your class and your world... it's no use...you can't help me..."

I was quiet for a moment...Didn't know what to say at that time...But got out of the trance and said that I have a duty to do and it must be done...

"Yes, duty...what are we without them anyway? If it wasn't for duty...you wouldn't have to do this right? Because you hate doing this...you hate helping my kind...you rather help out your own kind...right?" It sounds alarming but true at the time...

"No...duty or no... I'm willing to help anyone I can... I'm sorry about the remark I made early this morning... I wasn't thinking straight at the time..."

"Since when were you thinking straight? You think that thinking straight is the best way of life? You think that being normal is easier than being different? What's normal anyway? Can you tell me that? If normal is growing up. Get married. Have children. And after a few years you cheat on you wife and break you children's heart. Get divorce. Make everyone very unhappy. And making everyone confuse to why a normal guy would do this. Then...I think you better think again...that thinking straight or being straight is also not normal... Nothing's normal...No one is..."

Shocked? For me...Yes...at that time...I didn't realized that what he said had some truth in it...Sorry for him for one thing...Because those words...those words are his thoughts voicing out...crying out...for help...for pity...I don't know what...But his face was like stone...featureless... I know that I must help him out some how... I must try to understand his feelings, his thoughts. What has happened to him? This boy...only 13 but thinks like he is 30... I never met anyone like this before... This interests me... Intrigued me... What is this feeling? Why are my feelings overcome? Has his words had any effects on me? Why? I want to know? And finally I ade up my mind...

I got back into posture back into control...Walked up to him...looked at his face...it was still emotionless...I don't know how long I looked at him...feelings all confused right now...But I managed to do something... But what I did was done unconsciously... it was by instinct...I took out my right hand and offered my friendship to him...and promised to him to do what ever I can to understand him and help him out along the way...

He did nothing as I said that...no movement what so ever...I thought he rejected me...but what do I care? If he rejected me I don't have to counsel him anymore... But somewhere inside me feels a longing to have him as a friend not an enemy...

"You made a promise? You know what that means right? Even for a students' counselor you know what consequences it brings. Then this must mean you are serious in your work...Duty or no... This interesting... very interesting... No normal person would do something for an abnormal person unless he has something in return... But alas... we are never normal...are we?" I didn't give him any response to his statement... I was waiting for him to accept my request...

Where finally he did...he took my hand and gave a shake...and at last in his face a small smile emerged... I felt happy for that... I know he is gay and I still have doubts about these people but for him somehow it feels different... I don't know why... I just felt happy when he is happy...

So by that time the bell rang. a signal saying recess is over and me and Miles went back to class not saying anything along the way... only gave a quick hand shake upon departing...

I made a friend that day...a gay friend...why I would do that?I don't know... But every time I remember what he said before... It was just like me talking... the way he thinks... He was just like me... But how can this be? I still hate him for what he is...does that mean that I hate my self? I know that I'm different... But I can't be so different to be so like him... Am I gay? No! It can't be! It will never be! I'm only here to help him... nothing more...

Well guys... how was it? At the last scene I was really starting to get confused over myself... And to think that someone confused is trying to help out some one who is very sure of himself... typical and ironic isn't it?

You know I really need a comment about my story...not praises...COMMENTS... Need to know that this story makes you wanna read more than to make you sleep...K?

Thanks for your cooperation...

Till next blog then... wait for Part 3!

How it all began...

Boy...its been a while I haven't updated this thingy here...Almost forgot what I was trying to tell you guyz about...But through alot of wishful thinking I got it...

But mannn...It's a boring job...but someones gotta do it and gotta doit rite...but it doesn't have to be done perfectly... and who's perfect anyway?

I was trying to make all the people of the world to understand about PLU. They consists of people who has their emotions and socioculture to a level of extreme complexity...But now I'm not gonna tell it in a text book type of way...you guyz just might not read it...So I've came up with a story...A TRUE STORY OR STORIES of HOW ONE BECAME A PLU...It is no easy entry to become a member of the PLU community...And once in...it's VERY hard to get out...

So the story should begin with...ME! Yeah that's rite...ME...How it all began...It's a long yet very knowledgeable story...Everyone ready??? Here we GO! But wait! The characters name in here have been changed to a degree of not giving shame to 'those' involved... Okay... Here we go again!!

I guess that I'm a PLU since birth...I had strange feelings towards people especially of the same sex...But it never came to mind that I was a PLU at that time...Heck...nothing comes to mind when you're a kid...

But all in all...I'm different...simply put...as time goes by...of course I grew up...but my emotions or rather my harmones became unstable...But I was still strong enough fighting that feeling back...that complex liking for others of the same sex...It's a hard battle and I still don't know who won or who lost...Because I'm fighting with my self...But enough of all this figure of speech...It's time to begin my story...

I was in form three, 15 years old...a prefect at a school I don't want to mention...But it's somewhere up north...So there I was...On a Sunday, and it was my turn as a prefect to open the prefects' room...which means I have to come VERY EARLY...don't like it one bit...but it's my duty...anyway...

Upon reaching there surprisingly the prefect's room was already open...and to my surprise someone was in there already...and you what happens next? I made love to a teacher and a student on the spot...not bad for a first timer to do threesome just like that...Nah! It did not happened that way...

But there was some one in there...It was my discipline teacher, lets call him Al and a student...a junior of mine...Al was talking very seriously about something and the kid was very quiet...maybe a sleep with all those serious talk...Anyway...I eavesdrop on the subject and found out that the boy was caught for trying to make love with another student...another boy...All I found out was this boy in the prefect's room was taking advantage of the other boy in the dorm (oh yeah...forgot to tell ya guyz...my school, half the student stay at the dorm for convinience purposes and half go to school and back home after it)

So where was I...Oh yeah...Al was giving his ultimatum...where if he ever found out that this boy was doing it again...you know the consequences...But that was not enough...for me...that is...FYI at that time I don't know a thing and still immature and still don't know who I really am...So I do what any immature kid would do...BUTT IN!

"Why don't you just expel him now, Al? He's no use to us...Heck he's no use to anyone...I don't like these TYPE of people...I hate them!" Those were the very words that I regret saying till today...and what happens next after that was all because of my very big mouth...

Let me continue just alittle bit more...with those words said...it was like uttering a curse...like incantations from the movie "THE MUMMY"...The kid, his name is...Miles...just looked at me coolly...no expression whatsoever...STRANGE...then he replied to me...

"Really now? Are you sure with those words? But believe me, you are not very far different from me...actually we are quite the same..."

Al didn't pay any attention to him at that time...because he was surprise I was there and was thinking about what I had said...He ordered Miles to return to dorm and get ready for class...As Miles left the place...Al asked me to sit...I thought it to discuss about the next step to eliminating Miles...But I was wrong...He lectured me instead...This is what he said...

"He never asked to be like that...to be not perfect...you shouldn't have talked like that...Every existence has its purpose...if it doesn't it will not exist...if something useless as he really did exist it would only be a waste of space...And HATE...Don't easily HATE someone without any reasonable reasons to hate him...just because he is different doesn't mean you can hate him like hell...and hating someone or something means that you are also hating the person who brought him to this world...that means even hating THE CREATOR...I want you to think back on what you said just now..."

And these words of wisdom I will remember it forever even unto my next life...But after the lecture...they were more...But the above words was all I remembered...So after the lecture he let me go but not so freely...you see in school I am also a student counsellor...I give all kinds of advice to those who needs them...And I was the best three of the PRS (Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya)...So Al gave me a special task...he ordered me to seek out Miles later and give a little TLC and some counselling...That's it...I thought to myself...Just what I need...nother waste of time...

So...during recess I seeked out Miles...But as always with me...nothing seems to go with my flow...But let's just tell it another time...It's late...I'm tired...And I got work tomorrow...And you guyz must be bored of reading this rite? So give me a comment of how bored you were reading this blog.

Till Then...

TC & KIT

The History of People Like Us...

Greetings...

I would like to say...this could get boring...but it could also get interesting...for what I have to say or is it type has been in my head for quite some time...

What is it? Well, let's just say that for some years I've been making surveys, doing researc and stuff...and it all about this ONE SPECIAL GROUP in this world that has been misunderstood for centuries...They are known as the "PEOPLE LIKE US" or in short the "PLU"...

A PLU is defined as a person who has his or her emotions, psychology, and socioculture to a level of ultra-high complexity that the "normal people" misunderstood it as an abnormality...a disfunction...a diesease...that could corrupt, damage, and destroy the world's norm which took ages for it to form...

Hence, a PLU is looked at as a BANE to the society...as if they are something useless, waste of tax payers money, etc.In short, the normal people doesn't want to do with anything with these 'FREAKS OF NATURE".

They dismissed the fact that they are any good for anything...for being different in the past as well as in the present will always be looked upon negatively by the community...Typical isn't? The normal people are actually afraid of change...of something new...why again? Easy, they don't like to this things over...they just make their own assumption that being different from the rest is not a good thing...But is it?

Then how can u explain HANG TUAH or ALBERT EINSTEIN (hope that is the correct spelling) or even our NATIONAL HEROES? I did some digging...no these people I mentioned above are not PLU...for there is nothing in record of them being one...but the main point is that they DO NOT live like the normal people...Take Einstein for instance, this guy can't even count or write right...that's not normal...but he did made some BIG changes...he did it on his own in fact...by not listenning to the "normal people" he achieved and made history...

But let's get back to the point. Why the PLUs are always misunderstood? Before I go further, let me shed some more light to this PLU. Who are they actually? What are they actually? Well, they ARE still HUMAN. But of a different edition and they consists of:

1. Gays and Lesbians(Homosexuals)

2. Bisexuals

3. Trisexuals

4. Drags (Transexuals)

5. Asexuals (those that only love them self or the 'Tin Man' syndrome)

6. Multiple Personality Disorder

7. Hyper I.Q. (The Scare Crow)