Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Part 7: The Book of Knowledge

HELLO... My Apologies for not blogging for 6 long months... been busy... been broken... been hated by other bloggers who doesn't approve of my writing... but I finally found out that no matter what don't let others' words bring you down... no matter how hard you've been hit... always and forever always get back on your feet... NOW that I'm on my feet... It's time to continue with what I've started...

After the long yet knowledgeable talk with Miles... I've seen his other part where the wounds had cut him deeper than any sword could... the wounds of a broken love can really change someone say from a hero to a villain... it sad but true... and something like that can change someone from being straight to gay in no time... I sometimes wonder weather his will is not strong enough to take the cut from a woman's blade... but it's like he said... girls just don't want to understand their mate... it's what is called A WOMAN'S EGO... where the woman will be "seen" great when they don't spend time trying to understand others and just make quick assumptions... THAT IS STUPID...

"I understand now..."

"You do? Do you?"

"But don't boys do the same thing?"

"Hell no... you got the one wrong... big time... Okay here's one question: who is more romantic, a boy or a girl?"

"A boy I guess... but..."

"Okay good... now... how many female singers have your heard singing about a man they love?"

"Umm... none... I guess..."

"Have those questions proven something yet?"

"Let me think... I don't know..."

"Man... try to open up... it is true that the men are more romantic... all women do is get upset about important dates that, without even having a formal law, the men must remember. WHY can't it be like the girl remembers all the boy's important dates and events and the boy remembers the girl's? Why do boys need to remember and never forget... and girls had it easy when they forget???"

"You got me there..."

"I'm not finish... about the singers and the songs... not one female singer had sung a boy's name is a true sign that they really don't want to waste their time getting to know someone they love... let alone a friend... they didn't want to do that as that might make them look 'DESPERATE'... says who? They don't want to look desperate in front of other girls... that's what! Stupid girls... SO WHAT IS LOVE ACTUALLY TO THEM THEN??? "

"Uhh... a game?"

"IT'S JUST AN ACCESSORY TO THEM, JUST TO SHOW OFF THE OTHER GIRLS THAT THEY GOT A BOY WHO WANTS HER..."

"That's disturbingly true..."

"...And that's where the look on the outside comes in... THEY'LL WANT GOOD LOOKING GUYS TO FALL FOR THEM. They don't care if the guy is a monster on the inside just as long as he is gorgeous and that she can flaunt him in front of her friends and be proud...? I say, girls are to most stupid creatures I've ever known..."

"Now... they can't be that bad..."

"They can, Shah, they really can..."

And Miles just suddenly sat there quietly with eyes shut and head tilted down as if asleep... he was like that quite sometime... it's like he's trying to push back the hate that swelled up inside him after all the years of having bad experience with women...

I myself do not blame him as I myself had almost the same share of experience... Yet the only thing that I've found is that Miles must have really loved those girls so much but they didn't return his love with true love... sad I see.. no wonder he's changed...

"Sorry..."

He sat back up with eyes open once more and was himself again... calm and collected...

"...I didn't mean to sound like that... it's just..."

"Hey... it's okay... no need to apologize... it fine to talk your mind out once in a while..."

"Thank you... for understanding... you don't know how much that means to me... I..."

"Hey... I do Miles... I do..."

"If I ask you would you like to understand more, would you?"

"What do you have in mind?"

He got up from his seat and went over to a shelf at the other end of the library... from here I can see him scanning a book with his index finger... from the top right to the left... and then the next row... still he hasn't found it... the middle row now... he stopped somewhere on the way to the left... he pulled it out... it's quite thick... and walked back to the table... where I was waiting...

"This is a book by some professor who researched on homosexuality..."

"They have a book like this here? That is amazing..."

"Surprisingly yes, I found it a couple of weeks back... anyway try reading it... maybe you'll understand better and able to accept fully of who I am... I was even surprised to read how much of it about homosexuals are true... and for me being gay to be so surprised about a book about being gay... now that is a must read..."

"Okay... I'll try..."

"Good... read it until its finished... and you can give it back to the librarian after that... listen what he has to say..."

"What?"

"He's a friend and I trust him..."

So I took the book and we left together back to our own classes...


Sunday, May 4, 2008

TAGGED by MUHSIN NAKAMURA...

And yet again...this tagging thing should be brought under a judiciary act... anyway... this time it's an interesting one... WHO IS MY CHARACTER IN THE 'HEROES' SERIES?

Well I don't know about me... but I do know of others... hehe... a some are DISTURBINGLY the same with my NOVEL in PROGRESS...

1. FAIRUZ is MICHA (the little BRAT that can talk to TECHNOLOGY and doesn't know how to
handle girls)
2. IDORA is BOB (because of the SAME WAIST SIZE)...besides the fat man can also turn things to gold.
3. KID is PETER PETRELLI (ANNOYING and ALWAYS thinks he is the one who will save the world.
4. ILLA is THE GIRL WHO CHATTED WITH THE NUCLEAR GUY (THE MOBILE INTERNET)
5. WAN FINAZ is MR. LINNERMAN (healing abilities and RARELY IN ACTION)
6. AMIRAH is THE GUY WHO SYLAR FIRST KILLED (telekinetic)
7. MUHSIN is of course HIRO NAKAMURA (TIME BENDER)

Me? I don't have anyone matching my novel ( thank goodness) but I do like Ben the cop that can read thoughts... just like me in the real world... hehehe...

Hmmm... I'm done here... time for revenge...hehe
to : 1. Fairuz the Viruz.
2. Muz the Muztamind.
3. Shaz, Kid's Big Bro.
4. Basket (you know who you are)

*TAG YOU'RE IT!!! HAR! HAR! HAR!

TAGGED BY BAAL...

Man... how I loathe being tagged...thanks BAAL... hehe
What I'd do if were to fail in an exam?
Easy...
1. RECHECK my results online again... who knows maybe I've typed in my student ID by mistake...
2. Ask my other friends to RECHECK my results... who knows maybe I was drunk at that time and was hallucinating...
3. If it's still the same... I'll ask the faculty's office to RECHECK it for me too... who knows maybe my friends were drunk too at that time...
4. If the results PERSIST... then I'll have to go and see the lecturer and ask them to RECHECK... who knows maybe at the time they were keying in the results they were drunk too...
5. If nothing changes... then what the heck... I'll ask my friends, the faculty's staff, and lecturers to join me for a drink somewhere in KL and get drunk together! It's a drunken world out there!!!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Part 6: Being ready is to be prepared...

Hi... hope those who are reading to this can take in the long long and long entry... Heck its what I do for a living and uh... studying...
Anyway... there is still a long way to tell my story...
Though to tell you the truth...I did not type everything into this blog here... only the ones that really needed to be told...

It was a Wednesday and Miles and I got closer by the day... The more we hang out together... the more I understand him... Actually he is no different to any of us here... He is still human... yet the only thing that is messed up is his fondness for boys... I don't know why... and Sometimes I did not want to now why... But curiosity always is my best friend and worst foe...

We were walking a long the corridor of Block 'C', Miles was trying to get back to his class and I tried to go back to mine... when all of a sudden... "Hey Miles, why do you choose boys over girls? Haven't you gone out with a girl before? Your looks and charm can really reel in more than a dozen girls, you know that..."

He just kept on walking slowly this time and stopped between the walk way from Block 'C' to Block 'B'. He answered me smilingly and without guilt. "Yes, I know that... and believe it or not I've been there and done that... and I know between girls and boys there is a very large gap in the middle..."

He stopped his speech in mid way and walked down the stairs to his class in Block 'A'. I was so...you know how it feels when some one just let things left unfinished... So I ran after him and ask what gives? And he said nothing and kept on going...what was up with his sudden mood swing??? And I had to pull him in the arm to make him stop and face me...

He did...finally..."I'm...I'm... Sorry... It's just somethings I still can't forget and when it does pass through my mind, it hurts like hell...sorry..."

"Hey, it's OK...thought I said something wrong just now..."

"Well, you actually did...in fact...But I'm not mad at you...just mad at me about the past..."

"Well, that's where I come in...tell me then...what is the thing that you can't forget?"

"Hmmm, it's a long story... and recess is over...we got class..."

"Never mind that...let's just cut class..."

"What?"

"You know... skip class... we go somewhere else..."

"Hmmm, interesting... okay I'm with you... where to?"

"The library..."

"Wow...that sound so adventurous...well I'm still with you...besides its a boring class right now..."

So we went back the same way to Block 'C' where the school library was...its a very nice place to hide actually...the teachers would never find you here...because it's the last place they will think of...

So we sat at the farthest part of the library at the back near the corner where they pile up the books that need to be 'replaced'

"Okay here we are...shoot..."

"Wow, this is a nice place... okay...where was I? Oh yeah, why I turned sour. Well, I did say that I agree with you that I could reel in more than a dozen girls if I wanted to..."

"I did...before I became like this..." And he was quiet again. It seems that he has some internal battle going on... so I decided to take the steer...

"Wait, you were not like this before? Sorry if its digging into personal stuff but I wanna know more...you were straight??"

"As a matter of fact yes... and no..." and he half smiled to himself and to me.

"Then you're a bisexual?"

"Hell no! Bisexuals are to most unfaithful."

"Then?"

"I was born homo but I did not realized it and would have remained straight only if... well where should I begin? Hmmm Maybe I should answer the first question you asked...is that okay?"

"Fine with me. Just as long as you'd talk..."

"Why I choose boys over girls? the answer's simple... it's the understanding part..."

"What? You don't understand girls?"

"No...they don't understand me... no...they don't WANT TO understand me... yeah, that's it..."

"Hmmm...maybe you don't give them a chance?"

"I gave them all the chance they want... the problem is they are just too shallow minded."

"What happened actually?"

"Well, if you must know, it doesn't matter where you are they are all the same... be it here or overseas..."

"You've been over seas?"

"Uh uh...I didn't told you that?"

"No."

"Sorry, I usually don't like to tell where I've been... it's like showing off... Don't like it... So yeah, I've been to the West... France and UK actually... not by my own free will if that is what you want to know... My parents are teachers... my mom, who is very ambitious decided to further her studies abroad... my dad agreed but he did want to join in the 'fun'... so he accompanies my mom there and brought the whole family along!"

"Wow...interesting..."

"Yeah, but the one thing more interesting is that I don't know one word of English back then...I'm from Kelantan if you want to really know...just a simple boy in the suburbs..."

"Now, that takes the cake... continue please..."

"Okay, now where was I? Oh about girls... once a girl sees a cute face or even a good looking one... they'll just fall for you no questions asked... and they'll start ASSUMING who the hunk is without even asking up front... like I said... they're shallow... They only look on the outside... to make things worst... when they start to know the guy they adore doesn't fit with their fantasy guy... they'll start to want the guy to change according to their liking...ironic isn't it?"

"Yeah, you got that point right... it is ironic when actually you are in love with your own fantasy not with the person you are in a relationship with..."


"So I did had a girl before... two actually... at different times that is... the first was before I went to France...and the other was when I am in France... yet they are just the same..."

"Okay... what is the same?"

"Like just what I've said... They are OK actually but when they start to get to really know you...they'll start to suggest you to change to their liking... I mean why do you have to do that???"

"Maybe they have a good reason..."

"You bet they do... but I don't think so... because I've already asked why... and you know what they answered?"

"What?"

"They answered: 'It's because I want you to...' and 'I like it better when you do or don't...'. Don't believe me? Try it with your girlfriend then..."

"I don't have a girlfriend..."

"You don't? Interesting... why not? Even with your looks I don't even stand a chance... you'll sweep all the girls from all the boys in school. Don't mistaken that line... it's just a compliment."

"Thanks, nice compliment, well if you wanna know... before you moved here, I did had a few relationships... four actually... none seem to stay true..."

"Oh, is it something like I said just now?"

"No, it's different... these girls... man... they are not only shallow. They're selfish as well."

"Hmmm?"

"Well, the first just wanted sex... but we were like in form 1 but my friends all knew about her... some had a taste of her too... she wanted me so she can have sex with me and then she'll look for another one..."

"Did you accept that invitation?"

"No. After all the boys she slept with... I broke up with her after she asked me to 'play' with her..."

"So brave..."

"Really? She said I was a coward... I chickened out..."

"What about the others? You said you coupled 4 times..."

"The second just wanted my money, the third wants to get my fame... which she did and then she left me for the guy she actually liked and the fourth is a control freak. She would even control my breathing, when and how, if she only could..."


"Hehe...the fourth is just like mine... as well as the others... you see, they are all the same..."

"Certainly nothing is the same forever, right?"

"Maybe. But to find something that is different in a girl is like to find a difference between each fishes in a school... they are even known to Allah to have ONE MIND and NINE DESIRES..."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But you do have a point with the increasing number of females their quality declines... thats the equation of quantity and quality..."

"Well at least some of us here knows their math... so it's like that... A girl does those thing but a boy doesn't... from what I've experienced... Allah said the men have one desire and nine minds... so when a man is in love he is really in love..."

And so Miles and I did talk about a lot of things in that library and to write it all down could take sometime for to do as I can't really remember fully what we talk about. But what I really remember about was what happened after the talk... so tune in to Part 7: Book of Knowledge...

Monday, April 21, 2008

Words of the Silent...

Hello everyone don't forget to view my other blog...

Words of the Silent...

Thanks...

Friday, April 18, 2008

TAG! I'm it...

Hmmm...
I have Amer Zaman to thank for this thing...
But hey the question is pure as any strawberry you can pick...

Irony isn't...how does this 'boy' know that I'm heart broken...
Okay never mind that... here's what I'd do when I'm heartbroken...

1. I agree with Amer Zaman... I'd cry too...but not out loud...thats the reason of me sleeping
early these days and waking up earlier...

2. TRY TO FORGET...(but you never do)... by going online making new friends in YM or
myspace or other places...

3. CHEER YOURSELF UP...(this takes time)...do what you love most in the hopes of getting
some life back into you... I go and write poems...but then I start to write about my loved ones
(you can read it in my potry section) and tears began to fall...its not a pretty sight...then
there's DOTA...but it's just a short relief...

4. LET THE MUSIC HEAL YOUR SOUL... yes... it helps... just don't listen to the 'our song' songs
if not it will get worst... something insrtumental... one of the reasons why Vanessa Mae comes
into existance... its been a long time I haven't listened to her which means it's a long time my
heart hasn't been broken!

5. LIKE A CHIMNEY...yeah...I'd smoke my life out if it could help me feel better...infact...it made
me feel worst... but it did fog up my mind and blurred my visions to what I was crying about...

There HAPPY? Now you know...its fortunate that I'm new around here...if not I'd tag the whole world... salutations to you AMER ZAMAN... (go and visit that bugger's spot now)

Part 5: If HATE is a strong word then AGAIN...

Hi once again...

Thanks for being true to me...

Info: Parts 1 to 4 was from another blog that I used to uhh... blog... so when my friend got me interested in this here place, so I said what the heck... why not? So I copied what I typed and pasted it here... quick work... so here comes the live one to continue what was left behind...

The post before showed how strong the word HATE can be... but something else was stronger than HATE itself... in fact it was powerful... and it didn't have to be said out loud... hmmm... look at the time... 7:00 am... gotta go now... sorry guyz... but here the server shuts down around this time so I don't wanna be disappointed by the shut down... be back later... cheers...

Okay...where were we...
Oh yeah...

It was a weekend...after Friday Prayers...it was in the evening...back then my home at a spot on a hill had the most wonderful view of the mountains, the forest, the sea, the other islands in this paradise can be seen at once...man I miss that place...the wind was nice...I love the wind... so there I was minding my own business tryin to write up a poem as usual... on a hill at the top of the stair case...where the community hall stood...in the centre of the housing establishment...(man what a mouthful)

A little girl with her mom was going to the shop somewhere down hill...I can just see them nice from this spot...they went in a while and thought that it was uneventful. But a minute after that the girl was running out of the shop crying...and I thought...what the heck happened??? So the scene got me interested and I decided to observe from a far...not long after that the mother came after her...a bit concern and stern about her daughter...but the girl kept on running screaming at the top of her lungs... "I hate you mom! I hate you! You don't love me... I hate you!! (Adik benci mak...Adik benci...Mak tak pernah sayang kat Adik...) I was guessing what happened in the shop to have her daughter to say such harsh words like that... But every thing that happened have to have its reasons and I kept on watching...

The girl, with tears in her eyes, could see where she was running and ended up running in the middle of the road... Since it was a hilly housing some blocks up hill and some down hill...houses on top have to take care of their cars' breaks in order not to speed off down hill... and cars at the foot have to rev it up to get past the gravitational pull... and to make that day more interesting a car was coincidentally speeding uphill... I saw it... the kid still running away from her mom... the mom trying to console her girl (though half heartedly) and the car speeding up hill and gaining speed...

What am I to do??? Its no picnic to watch the birds now...NO! All I can think of is what Miles had said to me... one must do things straight from the heart...not the head... in this case...nnot all four heads...(hehehe)...so it is better to listen with you heart not your heads...as the action done or the word said is ultimately pure...

And suddenly my heart told me to take action if not something not worth remembering could occur... I thought of waving frantically to the driver but he might misunderstood it as a hoax. If I were to run down the stairs then it might be to late because I've got 20-30 steps to cover before I reach the kid... So the situation needs something fast...something that will alert someone down there to either stop the car or pull the child away...then it came to me the closest to the kid is her mom...but how do I get to her in time before it's too late? That's it! Tell her... with the utmost of urgency I filled my lungs full with air and within my heart saying god please don't let anything bad happen today... and I let out a furious blast of fantastic vocal: "MA'AM! THERE'S A CAR SPEEDING UP THE HILL...YOUR DAUGHTER'S IN DANGER!!!"

That was it... man you should have seen the response in her mom... she didn't reacted she acted and picked up speed just in time to catch up to her child grab her and fall to the side safely as the car rushed past and the car stopped with a resounding screech and the driver came out apologizing saying he did see as the girl was at a bend in the road and that bend had some huge plants growing there... courtesy of my mom...sad to say...

So everything went well after that...they said sorry and thanks...even to me...and although the girl was crying still but she was not crying because of HATE but LOVE...and I learned something that day...

HATE maybe a strong WORD to say then again LOVE is a powerful ACTION to execute...

I told Miles about that incident at school after the weekend and he congratulated me for my brave heart...

Cheers to you Miles...