Part 4: The PLU Continues...Hate is a very strong word...

Hi again...and many appologies for the long break period...got a writers block (hahaha)..nah actually I'm really busy these days and the fact that a couple of weeks back I WAS blogging and a nice one too...then all of a sudden...a BLACK OUT...just before I was able to post it...ARGGHHHH!

Anyway, that didn't made me quit entirely...especially when I got my very first comment from Nancy. Thanks a bunch Nancy...I'll try to do my best...Here's what happens next on my story...

Another week past and another one came...thought it'd be the same...But...This week we finished up our meal early and didn't spend the time chatting away. Miles wanted to go back up to the school grounds. Why? Who knows and asking him that kind of question would always bear no answers...He's so secretive most of the times...Guess that's what being gay is all about...

We were crossing the field. Patches of grass were dead and dried up from the hot island sun. A sprinkler was busy shooting away within its radius. And a nice warm breeze swirling around the both of us...

"Can I ask you something, Shah?"

Miles broke the harmony sounds made by the sprinkler and nature's breeze...

"Yeah. Sure. Why not?"

He turned to face me as we continued to walk side by side together.(He always looked people in the eye when in a conversation).

"What do you think of me now, Shah?"

Sounding serious I answered in that manner.

"You're okay..."

Unsatisfied at my answer he asked another.

"What about the time when you first knew I was gay? You said you hate people like me...Well, do you still have that same stand?"

I stopped walking... I'd have forgotten all about what I said that day... I didn't expected that he still remembers it... I admit I was both surprise and guilty at the thought that he still remembers what I said and what I said that day was something I am not proud of even up to this day... I faced him looking at the expression on his face. Clean and smooth and doesn't reflect his actual age...yet his eyes...his eyes has seen more than any other of my school mates in this school combined...He has seen REAL life and experienced it first hand...Like me I'm being shadowed by my parents...and a lot of things I haven't known and experienced...But he has been through that maybe even more than once...

I smiled at him held the back of his neck with one hand and brought him closer to me and I whispered to him.

"I don't hate you, Miles. I never did actually hate you. What I said at that time was all show but doesn't really mean a thing...But if it did hurt you in anyway...I'm sorry that it did..."

And I walked on but he still stood there. Knowing that, I stopped and looked back.

"What's up?"

His looks was neutral...I don't know what was he thinking at that time.

"So... what do you think of me now?"

I guess that my answer just now was unsatisfactory.

"I accept the fact that you are gay and that since it has been this long I am with you means I am comfortable with you."

"Am I still your problem student?"

Well, those words just take the cake. He and I knows why I'm with him. The task I was sent out to do, counsel him and have him repent and renounce his ways.

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Why are you not telling the truth?"

"I am!"

"But you are holding something back. Why? Is it that you accept me but you still don't trust me? Was all this not for friendship but for your responsibilities as a student councellor? You're with me because you were ordered to or because you wanted to???"

I still don't understand homosexuals...they are so unpredictable...their feelings are too complex. So ever changing. So insecure. Maybe it's because of his past.... Maybe...

"Look...I don't know how to put this...but I'm not gay. I don't express my feelings so freely...I..."

"Why not?? We are not psychics who can read what everyone thinks... You and I are still humans only I love the same sex and you...you are still in the dark... at least I am sure of my self and accepted it... while you are still afraid of your own shadow! Do you know what made the world war?! It's the straights, the heterosexuals, the so called 'normal' people. Who decided to shut up and not talk of what and how they 'feel' and instead they show what they 'think' with tanks, guns and bombs!"

"But what does that have to do with anything?"

"You are mad at me because I didn't answered to you what you wanted to hear? Haven't you heard about the freedom of speech? I'll tell you what I want to tell you...you can't force me!"

"But the freedom of speech is to enable you to express whatever you feel not keep them bottled up...you did it well enough the day we first met. When you said that you HATE me. Why not express your true feelings now?"

"You want to know why?"

"Yeah I want to know."

"It's because I'm afraid I'd hurt your feelings again. I didn't understand you at first that's true...but as time passes by I see somethings a gay has that straights don't and I wanted to learn more...It's true I can accept you but for other gays... I don't know... I admit I don't have much close friends in school as I've just moved to this island like you too...but you are the closest that I can have to that... And about trust, I want to trust you but I'm still not ready yet...we only knew each other for a month and a half... And about my responsibilities...they have nothing to do with me having breaks with you...I want to be your friend. I really want to and its not just for show...There... are you happy? Is that what you want to hear?"

I didn't realize tears was rolling down my face as I express my actual feelings. That was my first time doing it and the experience was hard to explain. It felt kinda good letting some one know what you feel rather than what you think... Miles just stood there for a while staring at me... a small smile can be seen on his face...

"There now...you don't have to over express yourself like that...but I guess that was the first time you voiced out your feelings..."

He reached out his hand and wiped out my tears with his fingers. His touch was filled with such comfort I still don't understand...but I hope I will in the time to come...then more tears fell...and I started to cry... He stopped the wiping and embraced my in his arms. Holding me tightly. His hold was warm. I can feel his heart beat against mine and his breath as he whispered in my ear.

"There now...It's okay... Let it out now... Just let it out... I know the feeling of not being able to show your true feelings... Just cry it out now... and know that you have learned a very valueable lesson today..."

"I don't hate you, Miles. I don't hate you..."

"There...there...It's okay...It's okay...I don't hate you too..."

I don't know how long I was crying and I don't know how long I was crying on his shoulders... but it was a feeling I've never felt before. When I start to feel myself again I had missed a class...Maybe I had missed some important lessons for the coming test but the lesson that I learned just now was worth more... I know it because I don't know where I'd be if I didn't learn this important life lesson...

Remembering this can still bring tears...So I'll stop here for tonight and try to stop the tears from falling...Hope you guys like this...last but not least, I'd love to hear your comment...

And it goes again in part 3

Hello you guys...

Quite a long time I didn't continue this thing here...

Anyway...let's get back to where we left off...

I made a friend who is gay and in need of some counselling from me...and the story goes...

Right after that we began to meet up every week at the exact place we met the first time...(its at the back gate of my school if you guys have already forgotten)

We would talk alot...Me giving him advices and him giving it back to me...Besides he was a school debater at that time and so was I...It was good practice though...

I still remember the topics we would "debate" about, I'd like to write all of it in here but it could take a life time to finish what I'm trying to deliver...so here are some of the most important and memorable topics...

"What do you know about LOVE, Shah?"He asked me.We were sitting side by side at that time looking at the field getting dried up by the hot sun... "Love...Love is having a special feeling towards someone because...we...love that person..."I answered rather unprofessionally...Made him sigh with hopelessness..."Really?Well, your future lover would be very dissappointed to hear that kind of reason..." "Oh??? You have a better one? Mr.Romantic?"I replied sarcasticaly...But he does know how to be one in truth...but that is another story...

"As always, my dear...Love is something alive that comes in all kinds and types...Its not JUST love...Have you ever notice how different a love for a friend and a love for a boyfriend...or a girlfriend?Or the love for your family, brothers and sisters even parents?There is also love for knowledge which all we students were supposed to have...They are different"I nodded and he continued "So love is also something alive...we can't see it but it's there...just like air...And like air we can't live without love...that's the truth about humans...but not all realize it..." Still listenning as it still sounds true... "But what about true love now? Do you believe in that?" I wasn't able to answer that at that time because I have never ever thought about it until now...

"Hmm...just as expected...you've never thought about it until now..." Damded gay boy read my mind."Its typical for straight guys to do as such...that why alot of family here...especially here...MALAYSIA...alot of straight people did not give a second thought to LOVE but give alot to SEX...thats not the way to find happiness...or to fullfil your lives...If ever you like someone because of your desires...You'll find more sorrow in the end than happiness...and when one has felt sorrow...two things can happen...He'll learn from it and not to ever go down that same path again...The second, he'll be a slave to sorrow and spreads them around by becoming a 'vampire', a being that didn't understand what love is and still tries to find it with desires on his mind...in the end...that person will be the lonliest soul...never finding happiness...never ever will feel love...poor thing..." I just sat there and stared at him...know that he is feeling some pain now...but I did not know what...He looked at me... "Love is loving someone and getting that love appreciated and getting the same kind of love in return...Love is a two way street...with drivers that follow the law of the traffic...while waving and smiling good day to other drivers on the road he is driving and the opposite..which means you can love one person specially but still can give your love to others...like I say...love has many kinds and types...give all love to others and save the true one for the one you really think is fit to have" Then the school bell rang signalling the end of reccess hour..."Remember that Shah...NEVER forget that...Forget it and you will be miserable till your life ends..." Then we parted ways and agreed to meet again next week...same time...same place...same topic...

Then comes next week...

Sitting face to face crossed legged because we are having a meal together on the ground under a tree...quite a picnic...hehehe...

As I eat, a question appeared out of nowhere..."Umm...If you have found true love...how can we keep it being true?"

Raising an eyebrow, Miles swallowed his bite of sandwhich and began his speech:"Easy...Trust and Loyalty..."Then he continued on with his lunch...I was amazed...really was...His speech was a short one this time...I stared at him..."Don't you know that it's rude to stare...especially when someones having his meal???"

"Sorry...but...Is that all? Trust and Loyaty? No elaborations on that?" Rolling his eyes..."Alrite...I thought you were mature enough to think on that...OK...Trust...you know...something like trusting the post office will send you mail to a friend...trusting the bank to take care of your money...Get the picture?OK? Good...now its just like that with someone you love...You have a life and he has a life...and the fact is no one's life is exactly the same...he has obligations to do...and you also...he has friends...and also you...now he knows you love him...and he love you back...thats the greatest key...THE LOVE...because of it...you TRUST him dearly that he will live his life 'clean' without playing 'dirty' with you...And when one trusts another automatically the other trusts him in return...its because of the LOVE..." Still thinking...I nodded "Now when TRUST has exist in them it is still not enough...because TRUST can still be corrupted by either one of them by one of them 'playing the trustworthy one' while 'fooling around' with others as well...To save TRUST from corrupting and destroying LOVE...LOYALTY comes in...This is the difficult part...LOYALTY means to remain FAITHFUL...Like PEASANTS are LOYAL to their KING and THEIR KING REMAIN TRUE TO HIS SUBJECTS...where both must TRUST each other to rule and protect their KINGDOM named LOVE...but to do that is a great feat to perform...even KINGS have traitors...and SUBJECTS having RUTHLESS KINGS...Loyalty is something that must be practiced alot...even the most happiest couples can still break up because of poor loyalty..."Then the bell rang again...He told me as usual...and we went back to class...

Till another time...The story will get more knowlegeable and interesting...

And the story goes...

The PLU Continues...(part 2)

Hello again...

A week or more ago I started to tell a story about...well...you can see for yourself (the blog before this)...And here I am again to try to finish what I have begun...I still haven't got any comments and I don't know if any of my readers (If I have any) are liking what I write...Since I didn't get any comments...I guess I am doing ok...

So let me continue where we got off...I was sent by Al, my discipline teacher, to counsel a Form 1 student named Miles for being a Homo... So there I was during school recess looking for him...He wasn't at the canteen having lunch...searched places where students normally go for breaks...The Toilet...The Library...The Classrooms...none...he wasn't anywhere...Where the hell can this gay boy be???He must be up to something now...maybe having fun with another school boy...I'll make sure he gets expelled!

Yeah...evil weren't I in the past? Really quick to judge someone without even any proper evidence or proof... But at last...I knew which class he is in...It was a class for the overly smart students..."1 Perdana"...Class was empty except for a group of three school girls gossipping away... I stepped into the class and went to them and asked if they know where Miles went for his recess... Before one of them answered they all gave each other a look which even until now I don't understand... Maybe these girls know who Miles really is and what I'm about to encounter or maybe they are just idiotic girls hunger for more gossips to juice up their boring book worm lfe... I don't care... I'm just interested in finding Miles...

So...the most mouthy of the group I guess to be their "leader" spoke... "You mean Miles the Strange???He is very hard to find during this time... Nobody knows where he went. Always alone has no friends actually...Infact...he likes to be by himself...He has lots of secrets...yes indeed! He even..." She shut up when I gave her a very serious look... "Ummm...he must be at the back entrance of the school at the shade near the gate..."

I left immediately...maybe I can't stand with these females' annoyance or maybe can't wait to catch Miles red handed again...I don't know... I just left...Leaving the classroom with the three girls behind giggling loudly about something which I don't have the time to care...

As I reached there I was dissappointed that he was really alone...(so nasty of me right?) He has his back to me because he was looking out to the football field (not waiting for me to you know what! Don't get your imaginations all ridiculous!) I walked up to him... "What do you want from me?" He said without looking back... "I can't do anything for someone who hates me..." He knows that I'm coming? And he continues some more "...so why don't you just go back to your class and your world... it's no use...you can't help me..."

I was quiet for a moment...Didn't know what to say at that time...But got out of the trance and said that I have a duty to do and it must be done...

"Yes, duty...what are we without them anyway? If it wasn't for duty...you wouldn't have to do this right? Because you hate doing this...you hate helping my kind...you rather help out your own kind...right?" It sounds alarming but true at the time...

"No...duty or no... I'm willing to help anyone I can... I'm sorry about the remark I made early this morning... I wasn't thinking straight at the time..."

"Since when were you thinking straight? You think that thinking straight is the best way of life? You think that being normal is easier than being different? What's normal anyway? Can you tell me that? If normal is growing up. Get married. Have children. And after a few years you cheat on you wife and break you children's heart. Get divorce. Make everyone very unhappy. And making everyone confuse to why a normal guy would do this. Then...I think you better think again...that thinking straight or being straight is also not normal... Nothing's normal...No one is..."

Shocked? For me...Yes...at that time...I didn't realized that what he said had some truth in it...Sorry for him for one thing...Because those words...those words are his thoughts voicing out...crying out...for help...for pity...I don't know what...But his face was like stone...featureless... I know that I must help him out some how... I must try to understand his feelings, his thoughts. What has happened to him? This boy...only 13 but thinks like he is 30... I never met anyone like this before... This interests me... Intrigued me... What is this feeling? Why are my feelings overcome? Has his words had any effects on me? Why? I want to know? And finally I ade up my mind...

I got back into posture back into control...Walked up to him...looked at his face...it was still emotionless...I don't know how long I looked at him...feelings all confused right now...But I managed to do something... But what I did was done unconsciously... it was by instinct...I took out my right hand and offered my friendship to him...and promised to him to do what ever I can to understand him and help him out along the way...

He did nothing as I said that...no movement what so ever...I thought he rejected me...but what do I care? If he rejected me I don't have to counsel him anymore... But somewhere inside me feels a longing to have him as a friend not an enemy...

"You made a promise? You know what that means right? Even for a students' counselor you know what consequences it brings. Then this must mean you are serious in your work...Duty or no... This interesting... very interesting... No normal person would do something for an abnormal person unless he has something in return... But alas... we are never normal...are we?" I didn't give him any response to his statement... I was waiting for him to accept my request...

Where finally he did...he took my hand and gave a shake...and at last in his face a small smile emerged... I felt happy for that... I know he is gay and I still have doubts about these people but for him somehow it feels different... I don't know why... I just felt happy when he is happy...

So by that time the bell rang. a signal saying recess is over and me and Miles went back to class not saying anything along the way... only gave a quick hand shake upon departing...

I made a friend that day...a gay friend...why I would do that?I don't know... But every time I remember what he said before... It was just like me talking... the way he thinks... He was just like me... But how can this be? I still hate him for what he is...does that mean that I hate my self? I know that I'm different... But I can't be so different to be so like him... Am I gay? No! It can't be! It will never be! I'm only here to help him... nothing more...

Well guys... how was it? At the last scene I was really starting to get confused over myself... And to think that someone confused is trying to help out some one who is very sure of himself... typical and ironic isn't it?

You know I really need a comment about my story...not praises...COMMENTS... Need to know that this story makes you wanna read more than to make you sleep...K?

Thanks for your cooperation...

Till next blog then... wait for Part 3!

How it all began...

Boy...its been a while I haven't updated this thingy here...Almost forgot what I was trying to tell you guyz about...But through alot of wishful thinking I got it...

But mannn...It's a boring job...but someones gotta do it and gotta doit rite...but it doesn't have to be done perfectly... and who's perfect anyway?

I was trying to make all the people of the world to understand about PLU. They consists of people who has their emotions and socioculture to a level of extreme complexity...But now I'm not gonna tell it in a text book type of way...you guyz just might not read it...So I've came up with a story...A TRUE STORY OR STORIES of HOW ONE BECAME A PLU...It is no easy entry to become a member of the PLU community...And once in...it's VERY hard to get out...

So the story should begin with...ME! Yeah that's rite...ME...How it all began...It's a long yet very knowledgeable story...Everyone ready??? Here we GO! But wait! The characters name in here have been changed to a degree of not giving shame to 'those' involved... Okay... Here we go again!!

I guess that I'm a PLU since birth...I had strange feelings towards people especially of the same sex...But it never came to mind that I was a PLU at that time...Heck...nothing comes to mind when you're a kid...

But all in all...I'm different...simply put...as time goes by...of course I grew up...but my emotions or rather my harmones became unstable...But I was still strong enough fighting that feeling back...that complex liking for others of the same sex...It's a hard battle and I still don't know who won or who lost...Because I'm fighting with my self...But enough of all this figure of speech...It's time to begin my story...

I was in form three, 15 years old...a prefect at a school I don't want to mention...But it's somewhere up north...So there I was...On a Sunday, and it was my turn as a prefect to open the prefects' room...which means I have to come VERY EARLY...don't like it one bit...but it's my duty...anyway...

Upon reaching there surprisingly the prefect's room was already open...and to my surprise someone was in there already...and you what happens next? I made love to a teacher and a student on the spot...not bad for a first timer to do threesome just like that...Nah! It did not happened that way...

But there was some one in there...It was my discipline teacher, lets call him Al and a student...a junior of mine...Al was talking very seriously about something and the kid was very quiet...maybe a sleep with all those serious talk...Anyway...I eavesdrop on the subject and found out that the boy was caught for trying to make love with another student...another boy...All I found out was this boy in the prefect's room was taking advantage of the other boy in the dorm (oh yeah...forgot to tell ya guyz...my school, half the student stay at the dorm for convinience purposes and half go to school and back home after it)

So where was I...Oh yeah...Al was giving his ultimatum...where if he ever found out that this boy was doing it again...you know the consequences...But that was not enough...for me...that is...FYI at that time I don't know a thing and still immature and still don't know who I really am...So I do what any immature kid would do...BUTT IN!

"Why don't you just expel him now, Al? He's no use to us...Heck he's no use to anyone...I don't like these TYPE of people...I hate them!" Those were the very words that I regret saying till today...and what happens next after that was all because of my very big mouth...

Let me continue just alittle bit more...with those words said...it was like uttering a curse...like incantations from the movie "THE MUMMY"...The kid, his name is...Miles...just looked at me coolly...no expression whatsoever...STRANGE...then he replied to me...

"Really now? Are you sure with those words? But believe me, you are not very far different from me...actually we are quite the same..."

Al didn't pay any attention to him at that time...because he was surprise I was there and was thinking about what I had said...He ordered Miles to return to dorm and get ready for class...As Miles left the place...Al asked me to sit...I thought it to discuss about the next step to eliminating Miles...But I was wrong...He lectured me instead...This is what he said...

"He never asked to be like that...to be not perfect...you shouldn't have talked like that...Every existence has its purpose...if it doesn't it will not exist...if something useless as he really did exist it would only be a waste of space...And HATE...Don't easily HATE someone without any reasonable reasons to hate him...just because he is different doesn't mean you can hate him like hell...and hating someone or something means that you are also hating the person who brought him to this world...that means even hating THE CREATOR...I want you to think back on what you said just now..."

And these words of wisdom I will remember it forever even unto my next life...But after the lecture...they were more...But the above words was all I remembered...So after the lecture he let me go but not so freely...you see in school I am also a student counsellor...I give all kinds of advice to those who needs them...And I was the best three of the PRS (Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya)...So Al gave me a special task...he ordered me to seek out Miles later and give a little TLC and some counselling...That's it...I thought to myself...Just what I need...nother waste of time...

So...during recess I seeked out Miles...But as always with me...nothing seems to go with my flow...But let's just tell it another time...It's late...I'm tired...And I got work tomorrow...And you guyz must be bored of reading this rite? So give me a comment of how bored you were reading this blog.

Till Then...

TC & KIT

The History of People Like Us...

Greetings...

I would like to say...this could get boring...but it could also get interesting...for what I have to say or is it type has been in my head for quite some time...

What is it? Well, let's just say that for some years I've been making surveys, doing researc and stuff...and it all about this ONE SPECIAL GROUP in this world that has been misunderstood for centuries...They are known as the "PEOPLE LIKE US" or in short the "PLU"...

A PLU is defined as a person who has his or her emotions, psychology, and socioculture to a level of ultra-high complexity that the "normal people" misunderstood it as an abnormality...a disfunction...a diesease...that could corrupt, damage, and destroy the world's norm which took ages for it to form...

Hence, a PLU is looked at as a BANE to the society...as if they are something useless, waste of tax payers money, etc.In short, the normal people doesn't want to do with anything with these 'FREAKS OF NATURE".

They dismissed the fact that they are any good for anything...for being different in the past as well as in the present will always be looked upon negatively by the community...Typical isn't? The normal people are actually afraid of change...of something new...why again? Easy, they don't like to this things over...they just make their own assumption that being different from the rest is not a good thing...But is it?

Then how can u explain HANG TUAH or ALBERT EINSTEIN (hope that is the correct spelling) or even our NATIONAL HEROES? I did some digging...no these people I mentioned above are not PLU...for there is nothing in record of them being one...but the main point is that they DO NOT live like the normal people...Take Einstein for instance, this guy can't even count or write right...that's not normal...but he did made some BIG changes...he did it on his own in fact...by not listenning to the "normal people" he achieved and made history...

But let's get back to the point. Why the PLUs are always misunderstood? Before I go further, let me shed some more light to this PLU. Who are they actually? What are they actually? Well, they ARE still HUMAN. But of a different edition and they consists of:

1. Gays and Lesbians(Homosexuals)

2. Bisexuals

3. Trisexuals

4. Drags (Transexuals)

5. Asexuals (those that only love them self or the 'Tin Man' syndrome)

6. Multiple Personality Disorder

7. Hyper I.Q. (The Scare Crow)